There needs to be a class for older men in need of lessons on approaching women!

This was just so good (or bad, depending on how you look at it) that I HAD to post 2 blogs today...

I'm in southern California at South Coast Plaza (a.k.a. the mall where I cannot afford anything) shopping around for some NYE shoes. My dress is black so I am looking for some bright and awesome matching shoes and earrings to go with it. I'm thinking red, but will settle for pink, gold, or bronze as well. Right now, bronze is winning (because the pair I found encompass my three criteria in no particular order: sexy, comfy, cheap). That's beside the point.

I was in Sax 5th ave drooling over some $450 pair of shoes I will never allow myself to buy even if I could afford them when I am interrupted by an elderly gentleman around the age of 50.
Old dude: "Excuse me, but would you be willing to hear a holiday compliment?"
Me: (If you buy me these $539 Jimmy Choos, then yes...) "Um, sure."
Old dude: "You're a ten in my book. I just wanted to tell you that you're gorgeous."
Me: (barf barf, you look my dad's age) "Um, thanks. Happy holidays" as I walk away.
Old dude: (being super creepy and following me) "I'm sorry, but did I say something wrong?"
Me: (um, are you dense?) "No, just go away, just leave." Needless to say, I booked it.

Please note that I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt with absolutely no make-up.

Ok, so time for approaching Rachel 101 (which all men initially interested in me should apply).
1. Age does matter. If you could pass as my parent, then get the hell away. No more than 5 years older. Period.
2. I'm not feeling the whole younger guy thing. If you're more than a year younger, you are not mature enough for me.
3. Don't use a cheesy pick-up line that I've heard, like, a million times. If you have the nerve to approach me, then please dazzle me with something unique. I'd be way more receptive to something creative.
4. On that note, do not use any strategy directly learned from the boy bible* The Game. I've read it and I know what you're getting at. If you're going to APPLY the strategy, that's a different story because you are inventing your own method.
5. Please do not baffle me with bullsh*t. Instead, show me you are intelligent and funny.
6. Did I mention I don't do old guys?

Really people? I don't think I'm being too stringent with my "rules". I'm a nice, easygoing person and I don't think it should be that hard to find someone within my initial 6 criteria. Come on!

Ready for a much better pick-up experience. Here you are.
Cute dude: "Excuse me."
Me: "Yes?" (as I loudly pop the bubble I had just blown).
Cute dude: "Can I buy a piece of gum off of you?"
Me: "You can have a piece of gum."
Cute dude: "Thanks. Dragon breath over here really needs it." (as he gestures toward his beet red friend).

That wasn't actually a pick-up line, but I also experienced that today at the mall. See how much more creative this man was. If he had been hitting on me, I would have responded much more positively. It made me laugh for about five minutes afterward. The Macy's shoe department must have thought I was crazy.


*All ladies should read this book so they know how to avoid skeezballs.