Have you ever made a boat out of cardboard and duct tape? Me either, but I certainly saw a lot of those this past weekend in Chicago for Jason and Lisa's engagement party. It was on a cardboard boat in the middle of the Glen Elynn community lake. Who would have thought it would hold up forty people? I was shocked.
O.k., I am full of sh*t but I did watch some cardboard boat races this weekend. It was pretty entertaining. The basic premise is to be the fastest boat in your group to make it around a charted course on the lake. Most exciting was the designs of the boats, such as a Trojan horse, guitar, the closet from "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe", and a paddle boat. I'd like to enter someday, with my lovely Lisa, that is.
Now onto the point of this blog: Friday night was rough for my self-esteem. It's weird being in-between jobs/life decisions and to see your good friends becoming so established in their lives while you feel so lost. It feels strange to write this in a semi-public place (because I know there are TONS of people reading this) but it helps me to get these feelings out there. Why do I feel jealous? I am in no position to be where they are (let's face it, unemployment is not very glamours, nor does it pay well), and I'm working on a new relationship (and I'm liking the way things are progressing), so why should I desire what others have? Maybe it's the allure of the unknown, that she is in water I have yet to tread. The whole prospect seems so overwhelming when I get to the bottom of it, but the surface seems so calm and opening.
I cried. Not the "I am crying because I can't help it" type, of which I am so experienced, but the "I'm feeling really depressed" type of cry that I have only truly felt a couple of times in my life. The funny thing is all I needed was the cry and a little bit of paper-blogging and I was all better. The reality of it is I'm not depressed at all. I am making fantastic changes in my life, changes that I can't wait to put into effect (one week!!!), and changes about what I aspire to become. It's exciting, and when I think about it, there is no other place I'd rather be. Not FzioMed, not SLO, not w/ JK, but on my own, discovering again what my purpose in being is, and making it happen. I don't need what Lisa has right now. Eventually, yes, but I need to live my dreams to the fullest before I dive head-first in her direction.
Congrats to Lisa and Jason. Watching the two of them interact makes me excited to be such a close participant in their lives. I again have hope in the meaning of relationships, have faith that love can conquer all, and that everything is going to be just fine, at worst :)
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Just Do It.
I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the direction I have chosen to take. Chemistry, while interesting and challenging, is not personally satisfying. I feel indifferent at the end of a workday, and that is not a feeling I want at the end of the day for the rest of my life feeling (especially since it is increasingly necessary to have a job to make ends meet...no sugar daddy...tear). For those of you who don't know, I am currently back in school to try and pursue a nursing degree, yet I am still taking pre-reqs.
There is no way I could permanently work a desk job. It drives me crazy to sit in one place and enter data into a computer (and yes, I have done this several times). I have a strong dislike for sales (especially cold calling, although I'm actually pretty good at it). Lab work is nice because you are not doing the same thing all the time, but as I stated above, I am not satisfied.
So what do I think about my strengths? Hmm, when I list them out they are as follows:
1. People oriented/very social
2. Detail-oriented
3. Compassionate
4. Motivated
5. Quick to learn new skills
Seriously, this is what every person thinks they are. At least in the job market. It's hard to feel like I can actually set myself apart from the rest of the world, even though I know there is no way I am exactly like any other person.
However, I like the way I feel when I can make ends meet on my own. Thus having a job is the right option for me through life. I just want something that I will enjoy, and also that allows me to stay at home with my kids the vast majority of the time (sometime in the future, mind you). Part-time nursing is a wonderful solution-great flexibility, great need for nurses, great paying job.
I have decided to take a phlebotomy class in order to "break" into the medical field. At least I'll have some patient contact and make some decent money while waiting for the historically long process of getting into SOME FORM of nursing program (RN, ABSN, MSN, NP). Funny how the world works: we have this intense need for more nurses, but getting into school is impossible due to lack of teachers, thus reducing class space, making it impossible to get into a nursing program. Maybe I'll consider a PA program. The other issue here is I am really interested in OB/GYN, especially the GYN part, and they shuttle NP's into this field.
At least I have a dream, right?
Now I just have to get there...
There is no way I could permanently work a desk job. It drives me crazy to sit in one place and enter data into a computer (and yes, I have done this several times). I have a strong dislike for sales (especially cold calling, although I'm actually pretty good at it). Lab work is nice because you are not doing the same thing all the time, but as I stated above, I am not satisfied.
So what do I think about my strengths? Hmm, when I list them out they are as follows:
1. People oriented/very social
2. Detail-oriented
3. Compassionate
4. Motivated
5. Quick to learn new skills
Seriously, this is what every person thinks they are. At least in the job market. It's hard to feel like I can actually set myself apart from the rest of the world, even though I know there is no way I am exactly like any other person.
However, I like the way I feel when I can make ends meet on my own. Thus having a job is the right option for me through life. I just want something that I will enjoy, and also that allows me to stay at home with my kids the vast majority of the time (sometime in the future, mind you). Part-time nursing is a wonderful solution-great flexibility, great need for nurses, great paying job.
I have decided to take a phlebotomy class in order to "break" into the medical field. At least I'll have some patient contact and make some decent money while waiting for the historically long process of getting into SOME FORM of nursing program (RN, ABSN, MSN, NP). Funny how the world works: we have this intense need for more nurses, but getting into school is impossible due to lack of teachers, thus reducing class space, making it impossible to get into a nursing program. Maybe I'll consider a PA program. The other issue here is I am really interested in OB/GYN, especially the GYN part, and they shuttle NP's into this field.
At least I have a dream, right?
Now I just have to get there...
Friday, June 20, 2008
Loving the Fam
Since moving back to the bay, I have spent a ridiculous amount of time with my family. It reminds me of how much I love them. Why? Read on!
Mother: Cuts my hair into cute, short, summer styles. Teaches me that when waxing, never put the application stick into the wax for an extended period of time b/c it'll take too long to cool down before application to skin. (you'd think I could have figured this one out, but it really works!)
Father: Officially banned from Blockbuster. Seriously, who manages to accomplish this feat in their life? Freaking awesome. He decided to take matters into his own hands when multiple DVD's he rented did not work. Wrote "no fucking good" on them, and even broke some of them. Then got into a fight with the manager about their differing ideas of what is the correct thing to do in the situation. Needless to say, Hollywood video is the next victim (and Netflix, but he seems to be getting away with vandalism there).
Sister: Proceeds to bring up the topic of how we would want to die during our Father's Day dinner. Without hesitation, she states there are two ways she'd like to go, and I quote directly:
a." Getting hit by a title wave. Let's face it, how cool would that be?"
b. "Getting eaten by the Loch Ness Monster. Then I would know what it looked like".
Seriously, who thinks of that? She's freaking awesome! If only I can get her out of bed tomorrow (today) to shop/eat lunch with me. Sigh...
Mother: Cuts my hair into cute, short, summer styles. Teaches me that when waxing, never put the application stick into the wax for an extended period of time b/c it'll take too long to cool down before application to skin. (you'd think I could have figured this one out, but it really works!)
Father: Officially banned from Blockbuster. Seriously, who manages to accomplish this feat in their life? Freaking awesome. He decided to take matters into his own hands when multiple DVD's he rented did not work. Wrote "no fucking good" on them, and even broke some of them. Then got into a fight with the manager about their differing ideas of what is the correct thing to do in the situation. Needless to say, Hollywood video is the next victim (and Netflix, but he seems to be getting away with vandalism there).
Sister: Proceeds to bring up the topic of how we would want to die during our Father's Day dinner. Without hesitation, she states there are two ways she'd like to go, and I quote directly:
a." Getting hit by a title wave. Let's face it, how cool would that be?"
b. "Getting eaten by the Loch Ness Monster. Then I would know what it looked like".
Seriously, who thinks of that? She's freaking awesome! If only I can get her out of bed tomorrow (today) to shop/eat lunch with me. Sigh...
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Cute little lost doggie...
Happy Birthday Jaime!
This is a direct excerpt from an email I just wrote (I am feeling too lazy to re-write it).
"I have already had an eventful morning. I was suppose to meet up with my friends for lunch but that got canceled. Then I found this little dog right outside my mom's house. He was so cute with these huge ears for his little head! I tried calling the owner and then I decided to drive him over to the address on his tag. The address was 1.6 miles away (according to our accurate friend google maps) and I thought that was a little far, but decided to take him anyway. Once at the house, I knocked on the door and a neighbors door but no answers/the neighbor didn't know if the dog lived there but she said she'd heard a dog. I had decided to head out to SLO after dropping him off to write my essay there, and was about ten minutes into the drive when my mom called to tell me the owner of the dog was at our house. I proceeded back to the fake dog owner to find a car in the driveway. Since rummaging around their backyard looking for the dog seemed like a bad idea if someone was home, I chose to knock on the door. The lady was not surprised the dog was there because it was her daughter's ex-husband's dog (figures why the guy didn't want to go get the bastard himself). I returned the dog to his correct house (about half a block away from my mom's place) to the dog-owner's mother. That guy is going to get two messages about his dog going into a foreign car and then a foreign backyard. I'd stress out.
Morals of the story:
1. I need to change Echo's tag to my Los Gatos address.
2. Follow your gut instincts when you think that a distance is too far for a little dog to travel."
Off to SLO for Graduation/Birthday Celebration/See lots of people I do and do not feel like hanging out with...
This is a direct excerpt from an email I just wrote (I am feeling too lazy to re-write it).
"I have already had an eventful morning. I was suppose to meet up with my friends for lunch but that got canceled. Then I found this little dog right outside my mom's house. He was so cute with these huge ears for his little head! I tried calling the owner and then I decided to drive him over to the address on his tag. The address was 1.6 miles away (according to our accurate friend google maps) and I thought that was a little far, but decided to take him anyway. Once at the house, I knocked on the door and a neighbors door but no answers/the neighbor didn't know if the dog lived there but she said she'd heard a dog. I had decided to head out to SLO after dropping him off to write my essay there, and was about ten minutes into the drive when my mom called to tell me the owner of the dog was at our house. I proceeded back to the fake dog owner to find a car in the driveway. Since rummaging around their backyard looking for the dog seemed like a bad idea if someone was home, I chose to knock on the door. The lady was not surprised the dog was there because it was her daughter's ex-husband's dog (figures why the guy didn't want to go get the bastard himself). I returned the dog to his correct house (about half a block away from my mom's place) to the dog-owner's mother. That guy is going to get two messages about his dog going into a foreign car and then a foreign backyard. I'd stress out.
Morals of the story:
1. I need to change Echo's tag to my Los Gatos address.
2. Follow your gut instincts when you think that a distance is too far for a little dog to travel."
Off to SLO for Graduation/Birthday Celebration/See lots of people I do and do not feel like hanging out with...
Monday, June 2, 2008
I ate lunch at Taco Bell today...
I know, you say, why eat at Taco Bell? Because it was the best option within walking distance from my Dad's work. But that is beside the point.
I had just finished ordering my food and was debating which area I felt like sitting in when I heard a loud crash. I reacted very slowly for some reason, but the next thing I knew there was glass flying at my flip-flopped feet and a maroon Grand Am flying through the window. Literally. It was about 4 feet from me and it just missed these two girls sitting at the other window seat. I had just moved seates to not sit in the sun by the window, and happened to pick a closer seat to the accident. Needless to say, we were all pretty shaken up, and thankfully there were no injuries. Even the driver was fine. She looked the worst, probably because her car was destroyed along with the Taco Bell entrance...
The funnies part was that the Taco Bell employees just kept making food. One of them went to sweep the floor around the counter, but they were not suppose to clean up the area around the accident because the police needed to make a complete investigation. I had ordered my food "for here" but decided to take it "to-go" due to extenuating circumstances.
I am pretty sure I will never see something like that happen ever again. I wonder if she was abusing some sort of substance at the time, or if her brakes failed. Thank God that wasn't me...
I had just finished ordering my food and was debating which area I felt like sitting in when I heard a loud crash. I reacted very slowly for some reason, but the next thing I knew there was glass flying at my flip-flopped feet and a maroon Grand Am flying through the window. Literally. It was about 4 feet from me and it just missed these two girls sitting at the other window seat. I had just moved seates to not sit in the sun by the window, and happened to pick a closer seat to the accident. Needless to say, we were all pretty shaken up, and thankfully there were no injuries. Even the driver was fine. She looked the worst, probably because her car was destroyed along with the Taco Bell entrance...
The funnies part was that the Taco Bell employees just kept making food. One of them went to sweep the floor around the counter, but they were not suppose to clean up the area around the accident because the police needed to make a complete investigation. I had ordered my food "for here" but decided to take it "to-go" due to extenuating circumstances.
I am pretty sure I will never see something like that happen ever again. I wonder if she was abusing some sort of substance at the time, or if her brakes failed. Thank God that wasn't me...
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